Wishcasting Wednesday

Every Wednesday Jamie Ridler of Jamie Ridler Studios asks a question on her blog, in the form of “what do you wish for?”.  She invites people to answer the question at their blog, to be tenders of wishes at others’ blogs.

This week the question is “How do you wish to bloom?”

When I was growing up and I would complain about my circumstances, location, etc, I would often be told “Bloom where you are planted.”  Eyerolls and sighs would follow, especially during the teenage years, but with time and experience I see that the advice wasn’t as dumb as it seemed to me then.

This year’s word has been Metamorphosis, and I am working on blooming where I am planted.  I have been taking the circumstances and resources I currently have at my disposal, and have been working on transforming them into something to support my life.  I may not physically move from this area, but I wish to grow beyond my self-imposed limitations and become more than I have been.

I wish to bloom my art and career, to get my work out to more of the world and see where it will take me.  I wish to bloom myself, to nurture my body with regular movement, good foods and rest.  I wish to bloom my relationships with others, by working on my communication skills and listening more and speaking less.

Today was a really good day for this question, as it is sunny and warm outside, with many of the spring trees and flowers in full bloom.  My yard is filled with the violets I love so much, and the trees are starting to fill out with wild green leaves.  It is also my birthday, a good time to reflect on what has passed and to look forward to what is to come.

Little Steps

I read with amusement this article at MSN.com, about how Starbucks is increasing prices on their drinks to reflect the amount of steps each barista needs to put in when creating the beverage.  I was amused because every so often an article on saving money pops up with advice like “cutting out a premium beverage a day will save you x amount of dollars over the course of a year.”  The first thing that popped into my mind was “Wow, now I can save even more every year!”

Of course I’d have to buy that premium drink to save that money. 

This principle is also brought up when someone is writing about diet and lifestyle changes.  “Eliminate a pat of butter a day and you’ll save 30,000 calories during the course of a year” (exaggeration purely mine, I do not have time to do the math for you; here are the numbers to use if you’re so inclined:  pat of butter = 100 calories x 1 year/365 days).  Great idea, wonderful plan.  But what if you don’t eat butter at all?  Shouldn’t you already be that much thinner? I wish it worked that way. :)

The key is to analyze what you do eat, and to gradually introduce little changes that lead to big results.  I learned this during my weight loss journey. 

Instead of white bread, I started buying whole wheat breads. 

Instead of white flour, I began using white whole wheat flour.

Instead of pasta or rice as a base for sauces, I began using a large bowl of salad.  This is also a great way to increase your fruit/vegetable count, and there are a variety of greens out there to choose from.  Right now I have been enjoying kale greens as my base.  Adding the filler of the salad also satisfies my need to chew, and fills my tummy.  I don’t feel deprived when eating this way, and I am getting needed fiber and vitamins so my body will be healthy.

I didn’t make all of these changes overnight, but unlike all of the other times I would start a diet at the beginning of the week , beginning of the year, beginning of the day, they became habit, and the pounds came off and stayed off. 

And just think of all the art supplies new clothes you can buy with the money you save on the premium drinks! 

NVC in Practice

Yesterday I received an anonymous comment on the blog in regards to my list of 100 Things to Do in 2010.  The tone of the comment was less than friendly, and while I can agree to disagree, I felt that this comment added nothing to the discussion, and since this is my sandbox, I chose to delete it. 

If such an event had happened to me last year, I may have taken up the fight in the comments.  I would most likely have been hurt, and possibly have even edited the post in response to what was said.  It’s even possible that I would have taken a hiatus from putting anything on the blog for a while, and retreated back into the safe comfort of my living room.

However, doing that would not have helped me.  And I would not be able to share my process of applying the principles of NVC to my response to the comment.

In Chapter One of Non Violent Communication, Mr. Rosenberg outlines the four steps to take when engaging in a dialogue:

1. Observation.  What is being said or done that you like or don’t like?

2. State how you feel in relation to what you’ve observed.

3.What need is being met or isn’t being met because of the action you’ve observed?

4.What specific action can you ask for that will meet that need?

With these four steps in mind, I present the comment (“C”, the pertinent passages) and my response (“M”):

C: “How could you get stuck on feeding Koi? Surely fish feed is not expensive where you live??”

M: 1: “How could you get stuck”  2:Feels accusatory, and also I did not say that I felt stuck on feeding koi, just that that was number 38 on my list, 3: doesn’t meet my need for feeling understood and 4: I could ask that the commenter re-read my post to see that I did not say I felt stuck about the items on the list, rather the stuck was in making the items on the list. 

The commenter goes on to give a suggestion for how to feed koi without spending any money.  It’s actually a good suggestion (go to a local shop that sells koi and ask to feed them) and I probably would have left the comment up if that had been the only paragraph.  I also would have commented on how we have a local succulent greenhouse with a koi pond, and that I could drive out there this spring and do just what s/he suggested.

C: “It's silly to waste time drawing pretty lines around a goal like "Gain 10lbs of muscle" when I could use that time to actually work towards my goals.”

M: 1. “It’s silly to waste time drawing pretty lines” 2: feels judgmental, uses judgmental language “silly” ,“waste” 3. makes me feel defensive 4: and I don’t think an ask would get a result from an anonymous commenter (hey, I have said I am practicing).

I could say something like “I’m sorry that you feel it is a waste of time.”   I could ask “How do you keep track of what you want to accomplish?”  This would acknowledge that this person’s process is different than mine without making any judgment about the different ways we go about doing things. 

Applying the steps, and responding thoughtfully to what was said made today’s blog post possible, in more ways than one.  Thank you, Anonymous Commenter.

I don’t pretend that I have a full grasp on the process, and I’m sure I probably got some of the steps wrong, but that is why I am blogging it here each week, to help myself get a better understanding of how it works and how to apply it in all of my communications.  I invite you to pick up a copy of the book and read along. 

Coming Soon to a Store Near You

500 Art Quilts has arrived, I hold my contributor's copy in my hot little hands almost as I type (well, it would be difficult to type with a book in my hands). I can't tell you how honored I am that my work was chosen to be part of this book. Ten years ago I remember looking through similar books and imagining my work was included. Now, after lots of hard work and persistence, it is! I can count many friends among the contributors as well, thanks to the internet and being able to attend workshops such as Quilt Surface Design Symposium and one-on-one instruction at Susan Shie's Turtle Art Camp, my SAQA membership, and visiting my local guild.

This book is truly a feast for the eyes and spirit, and will provide endless hours of inspiration and delight. Look for it at your local booksellers toward the end of the month.

First, Let’s Fire all of the Hamsters

Three of the pages in Goddess Leonie’s 2010 Workbook and Planner are set aside to make a list of 100 Things to Do in 2010.  They can be fun, goofy, serious, playful, whatever you can imagine wanting to do during the coming year.  Sounds great, doesn’t it?  It is, especially with each number whimsically drawn and colored, the pages are so enticing. It makes me happy to just look at the pretty numbers.

I am stuck on number 38 (feed koi).

While part of me knows that I don’t have to have the whole list filled out at once, and to be honest, part of me is dragging my feet so that I don’t rush through the process, I also know part of me is afraid to put some things that I may really want to do this year.

Afraid that I won’t get to do it.

Afraid that I will.

While deep inside, the little hamster who is constantly runningrunningrunning on the wheel that is my brain is yelling,  “You can’t do that, where are you going to get the MONEY to do that? Why bother even writing it down?”

And that is one reason I am stuck at number 38. 

Many of the things on my list contain the word “make” or “sell”.

I don’t want all of the things on the list to contain those words.  And yet I know there are things I want to create this year (and hey, maybe “Create” would be a better choice than “Make”, sounds a bit more lofty and maybe a bit less money grubbing) and I know that selling things that I made created helps to keep the family running, which is very important to me.

But I think the big block to filling the list is that anything which does not involve either of those words feels a bit like slacking to me.  Like I’m not taking my responsibilities seriously.  Again with the hamster:  “How can you think of having FUN when there are bills to be paid? Never mind how can you pay for something like “have a spa day”, you don’t have time to even take a “spa day” because there is work to be done first.”

I know that I am more productive overall if I allow some “me” or “fun” time to happen.  I know that my weekly day off results in lots of work the next day because I get itchy to be doing something.  I need to bring this knowledge into the space where I am making my list.  It is not only ok to have fun, it is necessary to overall happiness and, dare I say it, bliss.

I think maybe the hamster could use a vacation.

#39 Buy Hamster a ticket to Hawaii

How about you? Is anyone else working with this planner?  How is your list coming along?

Before and After

A lot of people on the web and beyond are talking about the changes we have seen in our world and ourselves since the calendar rolled over to the year 2000.  I have been surprised as I take stock of the changes in my own life, and pleased to see the progress I have made in many areas, including fulfilling a 20 year dream to have a work included in the prestigious Quilt National exhibit, to win a major award with my artwork, and to become a Lark designer.

However, looking at the many things which have happened in my life during the past ten years, the most profound is the change in my physical body.

This is me in 1998, working on a piece at Susan Shie’s Turtle Art Camp.  I weighed around 240 pounds, down a little from my peak of 249 pounds on a 5’1” frame.

And this is me in November of 2009, from the photo shoot for the Athens News Annual Manual, approximately 100 pounds lighter.

I didn’t have surgery, and didn’t do the grueling program I see contestants go through on The Biggest Loser. I did begin in the summer of 2001 because I had a contract to teach at ArtFest in Seattle, and wanted to comfortably fit into the airplane seat, but other than that, I did it for me.  It  took a combination of learning to eat better, learning to move more, and great determination to shop at fun places like Old Navy.  It took me four years to lose that much weight, and it was hard won, but like all things worth the having, it was worth the wait.  I couldn’t have done it without the constant support of my family, who listened when I cried because it was taking so long, and cheered me as I moved down the scale.

It was easy for me  to discount the accomplishment because it did take so long that it never really felt like a huge dramatic change.  I’d spend months in the same ten pound range, but slowly my body changed. I think the process provides a great example of how even small steps can lead to a long journey, as long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other. 

If I did it, you can too.  In later posts, I will write more about the process, but for now I just wanted to emphasize that many resolutions are made at this time of year, and many are broken because maybe progress isn’t immediately obvious, and it is easy to become discouraged. It doesn’t have to be losing weight, it could be starting your own business, writing a novel, quitting smoking, going back to school.  Find a friend, a support group, make a determination that the change you want will happen, and then keep at it.  You can do it.  What you need is in you, and you will be surprised at what you find in yourself during the process.

In the words of Winston Churchill, “Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never--in nothing, great or small, large or petty--never give in,” and you will see results.