Monday, January 7, 2008
Several years ago I did an online healing doll class with Barb Kobe. While I never did complete the class (life got in the way and when you make art for your living, making art for yourself sometimes takes the back seat). I did get my shadow doll done, and she has sat in my studio this whole time. I thought I would hate her, but I found myself having compassion for this constantly needy side of myself, with her constant screaming for more, her pig nose, her blobby body. Everything I felt was bad about myself.
Yesterday, while working in the studio, a car went by, and I heard a rattle begin. When I looked, it was the doll, sitting on top of my printers drawers. I moved her to next to my sewing machine, and the rattle stopped. But as I looked at her, I realized she was no longer complete. At the time I made her, she expressed all my rage and anger at my bad qualities, but now I found I am ready to love all of myself, even those parts that may not be pleasant. It is time to love my shadow.